I was about to go to bed when....

I found this awesome automatic complaint generator! http://www.pakin.org/complaint/

These complaints are hilarious you should really read them

Friends, I cannot state more clearly the following sobering fact: Mr. Territo Da Burrito's commentaries reek like rotten eggs. First things first: Territo motivates people to join his junta by using words like "humanity", "compassion", and "unity". This is a great deception. What Territo really wants to do is encourage the acceptance of scapegoating and demonization. That's why Territo craves more power. I say we should give him more power—preferably, 10,000 volts of it. Maybe in a lustrum or two, he will rewrite history to reflect or magnify an imaginary "victimhood". Nutty predictions aside, this would not be an impossible scenario if his postmodernist intimations were to gain ascendancy in our society.

Either Territo has no real conception of the sweep of history, or he is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. He always demands instant gratification. That's all that is of concern to him; nothing else matters—except maybe to devastate vast acres of precious farmland. I tell you this because Territo does not merely tear down everything that can possibly be regarded as a support of cultural elevation. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. His indiscretions are not the solution to our problem. They are the problem.

Regardless of the theoretical beauty of the notion that there's always been suffering in the world, and wrongs have been and will continue to be committed, there is the opposing fact that Territo is frightened that we might burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that I avouch that we should let him prattle on about how things have never been better. At this point, such exsufflicate jibber jabber is harmless enough, albeit a little unsettling. Nevertheless, it does demonstrate how after hearing about Territo's maladroit attempts to create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level.

Territo is not a responsible citizen. Responsible citizens lift the fog from his thinking. Responsible citizens undoubtedly do not flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet. He's obviously under the influence of LSD or some other hallucinogenic. Why else would Territo allege that charlatanism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society? The thought that someone, somewhere, might drive off and disperse the directionless segregationists who undermine the current world order is anathema to Territo. Only a true-blue arrogant, slovenly miscreant or one who is completely clueless about antidisestablishmentarianism could claim otherwise.

After I weaken the critical links in Territo's nexus of scabrous mysticism, I know that everyone will come to the dismayed conclusion that I stated at the beginning of this discussion: Many people lie. However, Territo lies with such ease it's troubling. I frequently wish to tell him that his prevarications stink. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. Serfism is dangerous. Territo's unforgiving version of it is doubly so. Territo's stupid attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Territo, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he sees the world as somewhat anarchic, a game of catch-as-catch-can in which the sneakiest traitors nab the biggest prizes.

If Territo had two brain cells to rub together, he'd realize that certain facts are clear. For instance, he has a knack for convincing the most incomprehensible half-wits I've ever seen that his allocutions are intelligent, commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary people. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like "scientificogeographical" and "disproportionableness" to keep his sales pitch from sounding deceitful. That's why you really have to look hard to see that we should exuberantly express our concerns about Territo's repulsive remonstrations. But let's not lose sight of the larger, more important issue here: Territo's pusillanimous personal attacks.

Over time, Territo's "compromises" have progressed from being merely contemptible to being supercontemptible, hypercontemptible, and recently ultracontemptible. In fact, I'd say that now they're even megacontemptible. To those few who disagree with some of the things I've written, I ask for your tolerance. The tone of Territo's antics is so far removed from reality I find myself questioning what color the sky must be in Territo's world. I've managed to come up with a way in which Territo's essays could be made useful. His essays could be used by the instructors of college courses as a final examination of sorts. Any student who can't find at least 20 errors of fact or fatuous statement automatically flunks. Extra credit goes to students who realize that Territo believes that he is perched atop the moral high ground. If so, then maybe he should climb down to scavenge for some facts before claiming that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to stonewall on issues in which taxpayers see a vital public interest.

Territo's worshippers, who are legion, remain largely silent when asked about the correlative connecting Territo to incendiarism. The rare times they do deign to comment they invariably skew the issue to prevent people from realizing that Territo's fantasy is to advocate measures that others criticize for being excessively cantankerous. He dreams of a world that grants him such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of blackguardism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that Territo hates people who have huge supplies of the things he lacks. What he lacks the most is common sense, which underlies my point that I don't just want to make a point. I don't just want to summon up the courage to advocate concrete action and specific quantifiable goals. I'm here to give an alternate solution, a better one. I don't just ask rhetorical questions; I have answers. That's why I'm telling you that Territo has two imperatives. The first is to regulate ruffianism. The second imperative is to bring discord, confusion, and frustration into our personal and public lives.

Contrary to the impression that sordid social outcasts offer "new," "innovative," and "advanced" ideas, there is little new in their cop-outs. I once told some of Territo's collaborators that they should strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. Not surprisingly, their response suggested the enthusiasm of a man feeding on a diet of sand. That's why you and I need to take action. Only then will people see that my only wonder is, How far do his lies extend? I'm sure you already know the answer so I won't bother repeating it. I'd like to emphasize, however, that I cannot compromise with Territo; he is without principles. I cannot reason with him; he is without reason. But I can warn him and with a warning he must definitely take to heart: Territo's backers get a thrill out of protesting. They have no idea what causes they're fighting for or against. For them, going down to the local protest, carrying a sign, hanging out with Territo, and meeting some other eccentric hooligans is merely a social event. They're not even aware that by pouring a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm, Territo has erected a monument to extremism. Only it does not seem proper to say that such a thing has been "created". "Excreted", "belched", "spewed", and "spat out" are expressions more appropriate to the object here described. You see, if one dares to criticize even a single tenet of Territo's practices, one is promptly condemned as high-handed, piteous, coldhearted, or whatever epithet Territo deems most appropriate, usually without much explanation.

Territo fervently believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that Territo seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that his prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. Some day, I want to rage, rage against the dying of the light. But you don't have to wait for that. What you can do now is talk to everyone you know about the things I've told you in this letter. Use every medium available to you. Use the Internet. Use your telephone. Use radio and newspapers. And whatever you do, never be afraid to speak out against the evil that is Mr. Territo Da Burrito.

this... is... amazing...

Also... This is... Territo!

lock this and make it a sticky so that all may see but none may defile~!

haha don't lie, this complaint generator is so much fun, i would suggest usage for anything, including complaints against people/organizations.

I am writing on behalf of myself and a few of my friends to state that the fact that intransigent effete-types of one sort or another find Mr. ChargeAffair's crotchets entertaining—indeed, titillating—is deeply horrifying to the past and potential victims of such litanies. Let me begin by saying that every so often you'll see ChargeAffair lament, flog himself, cry mea culpa for apotheosizing salacious cadgers, and vow never again to be so ostentatious. Sadly, he always reverts to his old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that I would be grateful if he would take a little time from his rigorous schedule to call for a return to the values that made this country great. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. In short, I feel we must compare, contrast, and identify the connections among different kinds of bookish opportunism. I hope other members of the community feel the same.

This thing is so awesome!!!
Btw Charge, I was just trying it out. Nothing against you.

I surely hope that the material I'm about to present will open some eyes and minds. What follows is a series of remarks addressed to the readers of this letter and to Mr. Sean Darlin himself. I like to think I'm a reasonable person but you just can't reason with the most namby-pamby malefactors you'll ever see. It's been tried. They don't understand, they can't understand, they don't want to understand, and they will die without understanding why all we want is for them not to implant within the government a set of fifth columnists who are devoted to his dream of changing this country's moral infrastructure.

My efforts to raise scary, lazy fogeys out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor lead Sean to pray for my effacement as fervently as I pray for his, pure and simple. He is like a jellyfish in that you can't see his stings coming. Hard to believe? Then consider the following statement from one of his intolerant myrmidons: "We'll be moved by some heartfelt words on the glories of barbarism." Pretty shiftless, huh? Well, if Sean's plan to accelerate the natural tendency of civilization to devolve from order to chaos, liberty to tyranny, and virtue to vice is to be discouraged then the wisest course of action is to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let Sean turn us into easy prey for intemperate weirdos of one sort or another. Before we start down that road I ought to remind you that it's indubitably a tragedy that Sean's goal in life is apparently to confiscate other people's rightful earnings. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that Sean wants to control every aspect of our lives. He wants us to rise, fall asleep, work, and live at the beat of a drum. Then, once we're molded into a uniform mass, we'll be incapable of seeing that when one looks at the increasing influence of antidisestablishmentarianism in our culture one sees that Sean's signature is on everything. So how come his fingerprints are nowhere to be found? The answer is almost completely obvious—this isn't rocket science, you know. The key is that it's likely that before you know it Sean will deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating if we don't stop him now. Now that's a rather crude and simplistic statement, and in many cases it may not even be literally true. But there is a sense in which it is generally true, a sense in which it indisputably expresses how he and I are as different as chalk and cheese. Sean, for instance, wants to engender ill will. I, on the other hand, want to do something good for others. That's why I need to tell you that he is thoroughly mistaken if he believes that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is.

Couldn't you figure that out for yourself, Sean? Instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails. Only then can we finally transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. Yes, Sean will try to stop us by laying the foundation for some serious mischief, but if there's one thing that he's good at, it's spreading the germs of hatred, of discord and jealously, of dissolution and decomposition. His claim of fairness is demonstrably false. A person could write a whole book on that topic alone. In order to be as brief as possible, though, I'll state simply that Sean says that the peak of fashion is to effect complete and total control over every human being on the planet. Hey, Sean, how about telling us the truth for once?

I pause to note that indelicate loan sharks of one sort or another are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that my sources tell me that Sean intends to break the mind and spirit, castrate the character, and kill the career of anyone whose ideas he deems to be quislingism-prone as soon as our backs are turned. Not on my watch! I am therefore calling upon all good citizens to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to enable adversaries to meet each other and establish direct personal bonds that contradict the stereotypes they rely upon to power their obscene declamations.

Even as I write those words I can feel Sean cringe. That's okay. Cringe. I don't care because he must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why Sean is so desperate to lay waste to the environment; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Sean also realized that the capricious noisome-types that comprise his terrorist organization are as thick as thieves. If one of them is willing to perpetuate myths that glorify sexism, then they all are. What's more, none of them is able to accept that we must understand that his antics stink to high heaven. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible. In short, Mr. Sean Darlin exhibits a perverse talent for getting viscerally angry and staying angry long enough to encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become mean-spirited finks.

Haha none taken dude this thing is so much fun to screw around on, i figured you guys might enjoy this a lot.

What do warped big-mouths, the worst classes of antisocial proponents of tribalism I've ever seen, and CHA Community have in common? If you answered, "They all sow the seeds of discord," then pat yourself on the back. With this letter, I hope to investigate CHA Community's thrasonical principles, ideals, and objectives. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that CHA Community and its apologists are on a recruiting campaign, trying to convince everyone they meet to participate in corrupting our youth. Don't join that coalition; instead, remember the scriptures: "Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil." Ask CHA Community about any of its helots who deplete the ozone layer, and the self-aggrandizing nobody will say, "I never meant they should go that far." Yeah, right. The truth is that CHA Community has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to carve out space in the mainstream for malignant politics. On all of these occasions I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that it's possible that it doesn't realize this because it has been ingrained with so much of incendiarism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we tell CHA Community what we all think of it—and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use. CHA Community has got to go—and yesterday isn't soon enough. Should we worry that CHA Community wants to needle and wheedle execrable wisenheimers into its terrorist organization? In a word, yes. And that's not just because scores of people just like you have finally decided that they've had enough of its false-flag operations, but also because CHA Community's henchmen actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these kinds of termagant desperados are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will improve the world as soon as our backs are turned. In reality, of course, CHA Community says that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is. What balderdash! What impudence! What treachery! When I observe CHA Community's brethren's behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like it, they all want to tap into the national resurgence of overt revisionism. Also, while a monkey might think that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't, the fact remains that if you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, it goes ga-ga for any type of Dadaism you can think of. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, I wonder what would happen if CHA Community really did lure the sniffish into its gestapo. There's a spooky thought. CHA Community is hooked on designer victimology but fails to notice the real victims: the entire next generation. CHA Community says that we should all bear the brunt of its actions. If that's the limit of CHA Community's perception, acumen, and intelligence, then God help it. I, speaking as someone who is not a noxious storyteller, can hardly believe how in this day and age, grotty scumbags are allowed to wreck our country, derail our civilization, and threaten the human race with extinction. May we never forget this if we are to deny CHA Community and its hired goons a chance to control what we do and how we do it.

By now everyone should have heard about custom hero arena and its amoral plaints. In case you haven't heard or have even forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory. What follows is the story of how custom hero arena can be so rich in the rhetoric of democracy and yet so poor in its implementation. Astute observers have known for years that if custom hero arena believes that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication, then it's obvious why it thinks that the most frowsy troglodytes I've ever seen have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. My real point here is that anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that custom hero arena considers it fair game to relabel millions of people as "disaffected". If you find that fact distressing then you should help me eschew brutish, prolix Lysenkoism. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because griping about custom hero arena will not make it stop trying to destroy the lives of good, honest people. But even if it did, it would just find some other way to cast dissent as treason and criticism as espionage.

In the past, I've said that custom hero arena's comrades should commit to a process that respects civil liberties, civil rights, and civil discourse. Were I to make such a generalization today it would contain a few "weasel words"—an escape hatch or that indispensable cliche that having to listen to the glossolalia that spews forth from custom hero arena's advertisements is not a pleasant experience. But because a leopard can't change its spots, I am not ready to retract my conviction or to recant error.

Speaking of the most delirious pantywaists I've ever seen, if we briefly prescind from the main point of this letter we can focus on how I myself am not trying to save the world—I gave up that pursuit a long time ago. But I am trying to enable all people to achieve their potential as human beings. Custom hero arena is hidebound, fastidious, baleful, judgmental, pusillanimous, and eccentric. Need I go on? In closing, we must do everything in our power to show you, as dispassionately as possible, what kind of abusive thoughts custom hero arena is thinking about these days. The fight must go on.